


Sad Machine

by Monobear (Popuko)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popuko/pseuds/Monobear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'll go alone, and never speak of you again. We (I) depend on you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sad Machine

It was a reach for emotions, as it always was. It was difficult to process them entirely, like something that should be there, but wasn't. He could remember how it felt at times, but it was like air. Hollow. Shallow. A thing he'd like to feel more than he did. And it was frightening. There were only two he could fully remember what it was like to feel.

The first was fear. Fear at his own actions. Fear at himself. Fear at what he had become. Fear at what he once was, what the version of himself from the past would say about what he was doing now. Endless, quaking fear that reminded him how helpless he had become to the thought of amusement, to the thought of feeling something close to delight, no matter how twisted it was. And it was twisted. He knew what he was doing was wrong. But it was the only thing TO do, wasn't it? He refrained from answering that question, because he knew it wasn't entirely true. Never entirely.

The second was longing.

Longing seemed to be ever-present. It was just what he felt constantly. Longing for things he'd lost. Longing for people he once knew. Longing for the ideals that he was supposed to live up to. Longing for being something else, being something that he wasn't. Being something that was....not....deranged, not foul, not awful, not a freak. Something that could feel, something that could smile without it seeming like an act to himself and everyone else, something that could cry and feel despair instead of just knowing that's how he should feel, but just cursed with the feeling that he couldn't understand.

He had spent years this way. In all actuality, if he were still alive, if he were still himself, he'd be an adult. But he wasn't. He was dead, as far as technicalities went. Yet he still existed, some kind of rotting corpse - a weed that grew where it wasn't supposed to. A horrible, disgusting, distasteful weed. A remnant of where he had died, ironically. Irony was a bitch like that.

He didn't really sleep anymore, either. Not like he particularly needed it, but whenever he fell asleep, they were there. They were there, judging him, staring at him with cold, hollow eyes that asked 'why did he do this?' That wasn't what they had intended for him. They didn't want him to turn out to be like them. They thought he could do better. That's what they always hoped. Their better sibling that could get along with people, their sweeter sibling that still had hope of being a good person. Their best friend who knew better than they did what to say, what to do to make people happy, yet he was the monster and they were the human. But even now, he'd failed them. 

And he couldn't even feel bad about it.

He asked why they weren't still around, guiding him, keeping him safe, he'd gotten angry, nothing had changed. And why should it? It shouldn't. There was no reason for it to. He sat in the darkness, waiting for something to change. Something to...something to interest him.

Yet at the last possible moment, they were with him again.

Not the same. But it was them. He knew it was them. So he held out hope once more. And at the one moment, the last moment he had that he thought he was going to die, they were there, speaking to him.

"What are you doing?"

He opened his eyes, wincing from the pain he'd caused himself. "...Chara...?"

The brunette stood in front of him, looking with their signature red eyes at the flower. "Azzy, I told you to not get angry. You always did have a temper." They spoke, their voice sounding far away, yet right in front of him at the same time. "Then again, I guess that came from dad, huh?"

"Chara....I missed you so much...." He mumbled, tears in his small eyes. "...I'm sorry..."

"Sorry doesn't help anyone in situations like this, Azzy. What were you thinking?"

"I'm...I'm sorry..."

Chara let out a sigh, kneeling down to the flower. "I know you are. I know. Don't...don't cry, okay?" They put their thumb on one of the flower petals, gently stroking it with a calm smile. He leaned into their touch, his eyes filled with tears, a small smile on his face. "...There's the Azzy I know. Did you....you were doing this for me, weren't you?"

"Mmm...mmmhmm." 

"...Hurting everyone else won't bring me back, Az." Chara shook their head. "That was....that was what started everything in the first place. You remember, don't you?"

He was silent. He simply looked into their eyes, and they bit their lip.

"Az, they're not me, okay? You've gotta remember that. You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. You can even be their friend. But I'm...I'm not going to leave you. I won't ever leave you again, but....you've got to leave me, okay? I don't know if that makes sense, but you have to be strong for yourself, Az. You've got to be what you thought I was. That's not me who can save everyone. That's not me who brings everyone together. It's not even Frisk. It's...it's you. They're all depending on you."

"I'm..." He trailed off.

"You're?"

"I'm scared."

"I know. There's no way you wouldn't be. But...that's how it's got to be, okay? You can't....you can't just be a crybaby all the time, Azzy." Chara started tearing up, a small, almost-transparent tear running down their cheek. "...I know it's hard, but you're strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met to survive all of this. Please...please, don't give up now. If not for yourself, then...do it for me, okay?"

"I...." He wasn't sure if he believed them or not, but he nodded.

"We're going to start over, okay? Tell Frisk...tell Frisk to befriend everyone. That's the only way."

He was silent. Especially when he closed his eyes, and then opened them, and he was back at the ruins. "Make friends with everyone this time, okay? Don't forget!" He dove back into the ground as Frisk began to leave once more, and then he slowly sprouted back up again.

"I'll depend on you."


End file.
